I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize