I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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