He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
