there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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