I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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