do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
