is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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