Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My vagina just recognized that song.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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