You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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