We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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