So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
