It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
