my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
