just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
