Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
