and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
