worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
