My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Randomize
