Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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