Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
