I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
