yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
