its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
