I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
