Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
