Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
