you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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