know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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