Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
