I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
