Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
