last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
NoShamevember. You game?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
