it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
