Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
