Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
