Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My balls are so social today.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
