Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
