I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
