so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Found your dick twin last night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
