Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
