Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
