and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
