1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
