I can tuck mytits in my pants
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
