I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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