I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
