That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
