I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
