This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
