She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
