The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
