fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
